Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Lets Talk About Pain and Suffering

Throughout life we’ve all dealt with pain and suffering from to time to time.  Those aches and pains that that put you to the test to get through it.  Sometimes I sit up at night looking back on some of those experiences that have occurred over the years thinking about how those people, events, and problems that have caused life not to be peachy.  I think about how those experiences changed my life for good, and it allowed my stubborn attitude to look past my clouded mindset, to help me see the light after a rainy day.  Like I said before you live, you learn, and you move on.  Here’s my story:
                It’s those times or time periods that really put you up against the wall and one is forced to grind through it and overcome while others fall, crash, and give up.  When we were children that pain was falling down and scraping our arm or leg, and we learned rather fast that that pain wasn’t something we enjoyed, and so we learned from that suffering and rationalized in our mind that is something we should try to avoid.  When we were 16 we had our first love.  That first taste and feel of that electro-chemical emitted in our head that makes you feel on top of the world while at the same time head-over-heels for the other person.  We also remember saying it was going to last forever, and while I envy those who find true love the first time around, for love may take a lifetime to find.   First loves aren't usually the last, yet at the time we told ourselves and others that he/she is the “one.”  That first taste of heartache usually leaves you with rotten taste on one’s tongue, and yet most push through the pain and overcome the suffering and learn from it.  When one graduates from high school and college one once again feels on top of the world.  The four hard years taught one about a lot of long nights hitting the books, those love games that were won and lost, those games that put, you and team, to the test to seek out who was best.  You hope that in the end, that those years of knowledge and experience in higher education, give you hope that the ups and downs of early adulthood, give you the tools and wisdom to make it in this cut-throat world.  In the end, those individuals who rise up from the challenges, pain, and suffering to become smarter and hopefully wiser for the tough times ahead, but wouldn’t it be nice to know ahead of time when those problems are going to pop-up? Lol
                Growing up everything came easy to me in life.  I did not get my first B in school until I got to high school.  I broke a lot of bones as a young boy from playing sports and just being a boy experimenting with everything that could be messed with.  I loved making my own bike ramps out of whatever I could find, I love playing sports for hours even if it was by myself, I simply always had to be moving at all times.  My mom used to call me Seany-Shiner because I would always go hard all day outside and always managed to get a black eye.  I remember getting a baseball bat thrown at my face when i was 7 because the player was angry he got out, so I got 7 stitches because the bat he threw almost made me go blind.  I lost so much blood I needed 3 towels on the way to the hospital. When we got hurt, we cried or got upset, but we got back up and moved forward remembering how to avoid that fall and how to do it better.  I’m blessed to have a photographic memory, so I can really see what I did wrong and fix it. 
At a younger age, you are sheltered by one’s innocent mind, and as adolescence hit, we really started to feel not just the physical pain of life, but for the first time that mental and emotional pain that can put the physical on the backburner.  My father got in trouble with the law when I was in 7th grade.   My mother got cancer for the first time when I was in 6th grade and it put him in a bad place.  In high school, some of my so called friends made a MySpace page about it.  Your father teaches you how to become a man, but my father taught me a lot more than that.  He taught me a lot about how to be a good Father, a good husband, and how to always to be able to forgive.  My dad from that day forward changed forever.  My dad proved to me, my mom, and my sisters that if you set your mind to something, anything is possible.  It taught me that sin and forgiveness is a part of life, and actions speak louder than words in my eyes.  I don’t know many men that will do more for their family than my dad.  He’s been at the same job for the best 25 years because he’s the hardest working man I have ever met.  The 80 hour weeks in the summer when its 95 degrees, all the 5:30am-6pm days showed me that there is no greater man than my Dad.  Just thinking about his pain and suffering to provide for my family makes me want to cry tears of gratitude and appreciation.  That man lost a lot in his life like his maternal mom who died when he was 2, but did not find out his step-mom was not his real Mom until he enlisted in the Air Force at 17, yet he’s always happy and forgiving to others.  The experiences that happened to me as an adolescent and young teen really tested me as an individual to the harsh reality of human beings wishing to gain approval and attention all the while bringing down a quiet, respectful, and ambitious young man hoping one day that some people would take my approach and just be nice to everyone because I don’t know where they came from and what they’ve experienced to frame their actions and personalities at that present moment in time and in mindset.  In the end, I look back on this time period and I remember the people that were always there for me no matter what, the people I did not know who were just good people, and those that were friends with you one second and forget about you and talk about you while separated, but you learn that in life that children will be children, boys will be boys, and that forgiveness is important, thick skin must be grown, and life goes on.  Never let things bother you for too long, or it will drive you nuts.  Lingering on your thoughts on life will leave you scratching your head Like You’ve got Lice. 
                The period of my life that has tested me the most was just recently.  After the 2010 baseball season ended at La Salle, and I went home, I got a job working for my friend’s parents’ company, Garden State Highway Products, for the summer before I went back to school.  I worked 45 hours a week,  and even moved up within three months, I went from knowing nothing to making highway signs projects worth up to $500,000.  If you drive up and down the AC Expressway, 95, 295, the Garden State Parkway, more than likely I helped make the new signs you see.   At the end of the summer, I got a letter in the mail from La Salle.  The words cut a hole I my heart so deep I didn’t think it would ever heal.  This letter came with no warning which after I looked into NCAA law and through conversations with NCAA officials the Athletic Administration at La Salle broke the law by not giving me proper forewarning.  I had arm issues all my junior year after seeing great success my sophomore year after beating the best teams in the conference and even beat the Conference Pitcher of the Year at his place in front of 10-15 scouts there to see him.  The arm problems put me in a bad place not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.  It caused me not to care about anything.  I even overheard the team trainer telling my teammates and coaches that there was nothing wrong with me, and that was just a weak person.  By the end of the season, I could not wait to go home because I did not care about school or baseball anymore.  That letter pushed me down to new depths I had not felt in a long time, and I knew my life would not be the same.  I enrolled in a new school full time while working 40 hours a week at my job, and busted my butt to get the straight A’s I knew I was capable of.  That pain and suffering taught me that life is full of surprises both good and bad, and to never give up when one door closes.
By the beginning of 2011, my mom was experiencing pain so extreme that she was put out of work.  She worked as long as she could because she’s so stubborn and really enjoy going to work every day knowing that she was helping people.  I will never forget that Friday night in the Sunroom before I went down to my friend Robert Green’s place in Atlantic City and eventually the club for the night. I was 21 years old.  I walked into the dark sunroom to see my dad sitting on the couch and my mom sitting in a plastic chair opposite from him.  We got to talking, and it culminating in me asking her, “Mom, is it cancer?”
 I had dreams for years leading up to this night in my sleep.  I knew that this day was coming, which is why I’m so adamant on the idea of seeing the future.  I started feeling tears drip down my face the moment I heard her response, and said to myself, stay strong Sean this is not what she needs.  I held in the tears up until my Mom said, “Sean, its ok, we’ll get through this, I will get through this.”  She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer with a 3 inch tumor entangled in nerves.
By this time, those single tears turned into a steady flow of pain being expelled from my tear ducts.  I went out that night, told my friend Robert and my other two friends about it, and had fun, but I knew life wasn’t going to be the same anymore.  The time and growing doctor visits seemed like they all blurred with one another.  I remember the countless months I spent at the hospital watching my Mom sleep or noticeably be in pain, pain so excruciating that she took almost 2000 mg  of pain killers a day just be to comfortable.  You never want to come home to your Mom screaming in pain for hours on end.  You never want to pick your Mom off the floor because she thought you left for work, so she tried to walk on her own, then getting a ticket speeding to get to work on time and having your mind preoccupied by what just happened at home.  I’d cry myself to sleep every night just so I could show her a smile every moment I was with her.  I remember all the times she only wanted me because I was the only one that could calm her down when she wanted to give up.  I’d say, “Mom, why are you being so mean to them(my dad and sisters), they didn’t do anything to you?  I know it’s the pain talking, but you’re an amazing person don’t let it change you.  I’d tell her about the things I learned because I started reading more about science and philosophy and she couldn’t help but laugh at my youthful excitement because I finally found my true passion in life.  I told her how much I loved her out loud and in my head to God before I went to bed at night.  I will always remember that covenant I made with her and God about my life.  I promised that if she lived, I would show God and myself that I would change and I would show the world my true potential because from this life experience I learned life is too short and if one wants something bad enough you’ll achieve it because I know my Mom wanted to live to see me grow. I read around 30 books in a 6 month span of seeing my mom fight cancer, and did countless hours of research on cancer to help Mom in any way possible.
Suffering and pain are a part of life.  The experiences in life that put you up against the wall are those that challenge you to rise up and change as a person.  It really drives me nuts when I see people that complain about the little things in life like not getting the newest technology or complaining about someone else because life isn’t so easy for everyone.  I empower my students to show respect, be open, listen, and ask them to remember that life comes with its ups and down, and that the bad things happen because it only makes the good things feel that much better.  The ability to feel and show emotion is one of the greatest things about being a human, but as humans we are intelligent enough to learn from the past to make changes in the present and future.  My life experiences helped me realize one should never get down on oneself for too long because every struggle is a test by a higher power and energy, God, to see how strong your faith in yourself and essentially Him is.  Only those who are willing to learn, listen, forgive, and move on from life’s challenges live a happy and healthy life.  

Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Millennial Strikes Back: My Response to the Time Magazine Article Calling Us The Me, Me, Me Generation


As a child i always wondered how society would evolve as my generation became adults.  I always pondered in my mind how i would change as a person as I got older.  For the longest time i only worked hard at things I wanted and just shunned off everything else because i felt as though it wasn't important.  Sometimes i wished my parents would have pushed me a little bit further than they did.  I had a conversation with my dad this morning about Freudian psychology, and how i acted as a toddler.  I can remember my whole life with a picture in my head from 5 years old on, but before then it becomes a little fuzzy, but he told me today that unlike my sisters, i just did my own thing as a child, i wasn't like anyone else.  These ideas lead me to think about my generation.  They say we are all about ourselves, but they only say that because they don't understand us, they don't understand me.  I care about the well being of others before myself, i'd rather give than take, i'd rather give someone my last dollar to see them smile while i cry tears of joy on the inside, so if you think i'm all about myself because i try to bring about positive change to the human race that hurts your pockets well then so be it, i can change and adapt to anything you throw at me.  It might be your money, but this is our world to share, not yours to keep a tight grip on.  The tighter you grip the sand of life, the faster it slips away from your grasp, just let it go and watch it settle as it will, let it right itself, let us change our world. IT'S OUR TURN.

 I had a conversation with two elder black men tonight while waiting in line at the Borgata Casino Buffet.  The gentlemen i spoke to the most was named Columbus, he was 67 year old man.  He had a cap on with a nice blue suit with a cordoroy blazer on, and I made a comment about how i liked his suite especially his tie.  From then on we got to talking about life.  He asked me, "Son, do you know who you are?"
I replied, "I'm Sean Kennedy."
 He replied, "I know you who your name, but do you know who you really are?"
I said, "Sir, many people live their whole life trying to figure out who they are, and what their purpose is on this great Earth, and those that do are those that make it in this world.  I'm 23 years old, i've found the person i want to be and I strive everyday to try to reach to be that person.  I know one day I will succeed, but right now i'm still trying to find myself."

We went on to talk about faith and God.  Columbus said, "Son we are all on borrowed time.  You need to listen.  God has a plan for us all, as long as you never stop believing, and that believing is believing in yourself.  Don't ever say you've tried or you'll try because you're already accepting failure by saying the world "try."  I am on this Earth to serve the Lord, and everyday i do God's work and that is exactly what I am doing now.
I went on to tell him about this class i took called Religion and Terrorism.  I explained my teacher had a doctorate in religion, and he told me the same thing.  "We are all on borrowed time.  God gave you life now you must use it wisely."

Columbus told me to always follow my heart for it will never tell you wrong because your mind will take you in a million different directions, but your heart will always know whats right, but its your choice to make it happen, to follow your heart and soul.

We ended the conversation when we went our seperate ways to our tables to eat, but he left me with this,  "you've given me a better perspective on the younger generation.   You've given me the breathe of life again, you've given me that youthful energy back.  This life is all about give and take young man, and you've given me something and I hope I have given you wisdom.  Remember there's rules and there are laws to this game called life." But, he never told me exactly what they were, i guess he wants me to find out on my own.

By the end of the conversation I stopped talking and all I did was listen.  He commented on the fact that my eyes never left his.  I told him I was obsessed with eyeballs, and that i can see a man's soul through his eyes to see if he's a real person inside, and he said young man i'll see you again someday and it will be on Wall Street, you have a bright future ahead of you.  Columbus owned his own clothing store and said you can always tell something about  man by the way he dresses.

I feel like our parents always wanted to give us everything because life wasn't so easy for them.  Both of my parents grew up somewhat poor, so they never wanted us, my sisters and I, to live like they did.  People always see us as the me, me, me generation, but it's all about how you are raised.  As human beings, we do have free thought, but we are also programmable creatures as you can see throughout the history of society all the way up to the present.  We, my generation, are the first modern human beings on this Earth, and you've brought us to this point and I am forever grateful for it.  We see the mistakes that our elders have made and we want to fix them, but our elders are too worried about their money than seeing us healthy.  Governments and business care more about their personal piggy bank and agenda than seeing us live in a better world yet we're the selfish one's. They hide the truth because they feel we aren't worthy or good enough to know it, but you are wrong.  We are hungry for the knowledge that you don't learn in college. We are the first generation not to have racism, yet we are the selfish one's.  I got a gun pointed to my head in North Philly by a black man while i was at La Salle that i have never told anyone about, but does that mean i should generalized every African American in a negative way, or the time i got my nose broken and split open by two black teenagers on Chew St. at 1 am wanting my wallet, but i left it in the car? This life is all about your name and knowing who you are and not changing for anyone unless its for the betterment of you and humanity.  You live, you learn, and you move on.  I may have been selfish once, but i live to serve everyone else from here on out.

It's your selfish ways not to change that makes us look selfish.  We might have some lazy, over opinionated youth, but what generation in American history did not?  All we want is what's right.  The elder generation made a broken system that is controlled by the few, while the rest of us scrape around for crumbs from the feast of a few. One day I will take this race to the dinner table and eat from the same plate as you, but there are rules to this game, I know, grind harder, get smarter, don't stop until you reach the top from the bottom and i'll put that on my name ,i'm not in it for the fame.


Sunday, June 9, 2013

The U.S. Government Tactics: Is it Governmental Spying or Security

Before I lay my eyes and mind to rest at night, I always seem to put my mind to work, and allow it to take my thoughts on a mental roller coaster with ideas bouncing around in every which direction.  Most of my thoughts though are concentrated in a few distinct topics for i try not to allow my mind to wander in directions that that have no relevance to things i wish to accomplish.  I've often pondered sub-consciously in my mind, but also physically with my friends, colleagues, and even classmates as far back as middle school about how far American society will allow the government into our lives.  Some really don't care about the inter-workings of the government because they seem to feel disconnected from politics as though the governments decisions have no direct effect on their lives, some are concerned, but feel some liberties must be given up to protect the whole in a utilitarian sense, and some feel as though the government is overstepping its boundaries to maintain order and use security as a ploy to increasingly enter our lives.


This increasing intrusion into the private lives of Americans both domestic and global has seen increasing measures since 9/11.  As a result of the devastating attacks, which i can still envision in my mind from the 7th grade where i was sitting in my seat during study hall before lunch, when my study hall teacher, Mrs. Forrest, had the television on where the attacks were repeatedly being shown on the tv screen.  On that day my life, and the lives of every American or person on this Earth for that matter changed forever.  Although I know George Bush and Dick Chaney knew that the attacks were going to happen simply because they both are a part of the Halliburton along with Bin Laden's father, as well all being part of the Carlyle Group.  I find it fishy to think that Guantanamo Bay is owned by Halliburton, which profits off of the detention of suspected terrorists, is owned or previously owned by a former President and Vice President, as well as the father of the most infamous terrorist of all time.  Regardless of this speculation, Bush has said on air to the public recently that he enjoyed the power he had as President of the U.S., but is glad his time is up and he can hide from the public.  His efforts to combat terrorism were a gateway to government espionage into the lives of all Americans regardless if you’re a convicted criminal, suspected criminal, or an innocent person naive to the inter-workings of a government slowly and deliberately creeping into your lives through radio-frequency tapping or hacking into your personal information via the internet.  As a result of 9/11 and the subsequent Patriot Act, the government has had the right to spy on any person they feel is a threat to the security of the country, so if you use the word bomb or terrorist in any of your conversations through telecommunication or internet conversations, the government can use that as a justification to look into your personal information and even track your life virtually and physically.  As much as a feel terrorism is wrong and should be stopped, i feel as though this global war on terrorism is a ploy by people, governments, and business to create fear and paranoia among the public to complete their own personal agenda and to profit from it.

              Now i completely feel its the government's job is to protect and maintain the welfare and security of its people, but their certainly is a fine line between maintaining security and blatantly abusing power.  The U.S. government is quick to judge other countries ruling and governmental tactics, but they are just as quick to deny and pass on blame and judgment within their own faculties rather than owning up to their lies and faults.  I have always been taught that the truth shall set you free from poor judgment and lies, and by being deceitful and lying in the eyes of others, one must continue to lie to cover up previous lies, and it starts to build up over a period of time where it gets to a point where the bubble must break and its content of lies emerge from within.  As an American, i wish to see that the security of our people be maintained, but if your going to spy on the lives of others for your own sick abuse of power or just simply because you can, then go report on the news about Chinese hacking, your perception of reality is quite twisted for you lash out on other governments for doing the same thing you do on your own people. Some Americans are willing to forgo some of  their liberties given to them by the U.S. Constitution to maintain order and protection of society as whole, but where was that protection of 9/11 when your ordered all the fighter jets stationed in or around NYC to be relocated to California before the attacks, or where was the security when Russia reported to the U.S. government that the Boston Bombers were a threat to America well before the attack occurred, but the government was too cocky an pig-headed to seek support and help from another country.   I thought the Cold War ended the year I was born?   If the government is going to spy on its people by wishing to gain access to accounts via service providers, then the people should have a right to know that the account that they pay for is being looked into by the government that they pay for to run.  

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Big Bang, Dark Energy, and The Universe as an Information Processor

In the past month I've stayed up through the night contemplating the birth and evolution of our universe as well as the birth of other universes from our own.  Many physicists and philosophers from across the globe work diligently for years contemplating mathematically, experimentally, and by pure thought regarding the fundamental laws that govern our universe and the inter-workings of the mind of the creator.  From many different perspectives and fields of study from computer scientists, physicists, and philosophers, one can incorporate their ideas and views of the world and come to a rational sense of how one might intepret our physical reality to be, but it seems to leave one thinking endlessly, and in some cases it can lead one to pictures or concepts in one's mind on the possible nature of reality, or in many other cases it leads you back to where one got started with no real progress, but needless to say giving up is never an option.  Once you give up, you have lost hope in yourself, ending all hope for others to believe in you.  Here's my story:

Many scientists believe that no universe can form on the other side of black holes, but in my opinion, the laws of conservation of information would be lost as a result.  Scientists say that since a single black hole cannot and does not "swallow" enough matter and information, which are both one in the same depending how one looks at it, to allow for the birth of a universe on the other side.  From studying the composition of the universe, one can come to the conclusion that the universe is only made of up merely 4% ordinary matter that absorb and reflect light.  This leaves 96% of the universe unlocked by the eyes of both man and man-made objects that survey the sky at all times.  Although i am skeptical on the true nature of dark matter, for it could be matter that formed much early in the life of the universe because it had no interaction with light which allowed it to become much more dense and develop faster than ordinary matter, which in turn played a key role in the formation of large scale objects such galaxies, or it could be matter that is within our universe, but within other parallel universes or even in hidden dimensions and only interacts gravitationally with our 3-dimensional reality.  Regardless, one can assume that black holes should hold no bias to what it "swallows" as the matter crosses the event horizon of the black hole.  Dark Matter makes up about 25% of the universe at large, so this leaves one with around 70% unaccounted for.  The final piece is dark energy.  Dark Energy is an unidentified energy that allows new space to form every second of every day between galaxies as one can see in the red shift of light when observing the motion of galaxies in the universe.  One can only speculate or guess if black holes "swallow" any amount of dark matter because it is difficult to say whether dark energy has any baring  in a space that sees exponential growth in gravity as a function of distance as matter gradually makes its way toward the black hole's horizon.

As i've stated in other blogs specifically one of my first blogs i have ever written, i believe black holes do lead to other universes or even create other universes when the critical density of the black hole is enough to cause an explosion of something from nothing, but that nothing is just a point in space that is to small to be seen or measured by modern microscopes or the naked eye.  As the density of the anti-matter/matter grows as a function of time in a black hole, it comes to a point of incredible energy that is concentrated at the planck scale (1.66 X 10^33cm), a big bang occurs.  Taking into account the fact that their is not enough ordinary matter to make a universe to be equivalent to make a universe such as ours, we must take into account dark energy.  In the early big bang of our universe, matter and light were one in the same as they smashed into each other at high energies creating new particles in the process.  This force of the big bang, in my opinion, was an explosion of anti-matter at the singularity of the black hole, which when exploded at such high energy and temperature, converted it back into matter in the new universe which would explain why there is more matter than anti-matter in our universe and why it is so difficult to find or make it.  This explosion, created such high energy in such a confined area of space, it counteracted the electrical force of matter for a fraction of a second which allowed for space to go through exponential periods of doubling in size for a period of 1 second which physicists and cosmologist refer to as inflation.That explosion at the singularity can and may have caused a white hole which could have also led to a time period of exponential growth of space because of the white hole's negative force that defies gravity, but the energy needed to maintain the white hole is so great that it collapses in a short time frame.  Dark Energy, or the energy of the space-time brane, in my opinion, acts as force of computational processing which it computes new space out of nothing simply by logical processing power, which also allows for new particles to appear from such a vacuum energy.  Although there are many gaps in this idea that must be brought together with much more research it makes sense because I feel as though the universe itself is a self-aware processor of information.  dA/A^2 = 8PieG/c3(p or energy density) is the FRW equation used to determine the rate at which the universe expands or also referred to as the cosmological constant which  is the rate at which the space-time brane computes itself as a function of time because new space is formed out of nothing giving one the impression that the space-time brane is much like a computational processor of information.